Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Part 4: Seriously, Expect More…

Posted on: September 1, 2010

movie star poodle

Are you able?

On more than one occasion, I’ve had men, who I knew personally and who I didn’t know from Adam, call me high maintenance. They would take one look at me and make the assumption that because I take care of my appearance, drive a nice car and enjoy good food and wine, I must surely expect my man to pay for my lifestyle – literally and figuratively.

I always find that observation frustrating, because I have never expected a man to pay for any of those things for me. Frankly, I’ve been taking care of myself most of my life, so my goal hasn’t been to find a man to keep me in expensive shoes, cars and other fine things.

But what I do expect is the one thing I have a hard time finding – respect, thoughtfulness, love and emotional support. I’m pretty sure that I’m not unlike most other women, who are also searching for a partner, a friend and a support system. Unfortunately, what happens is that we end of settling for only attention, affection and entertainment.

As part of my A Seriously Series on Who Let The Dogs In, I’ve noticed that women have lowered their expectations when it comes to finding a man which leads me to my fourth point:

4. Expect More.

It seems that many women forego their expectations or more likely minimize them when it comes to finding a man. It’s easy when you are sitting alone at home to daydream about the type of man you want and attach a mental (or written for you overachievers) checklist of expectations to that image. Unfortunately, after spending four Saturday nights alone, most of us start marking items off our list. The next thing you know, you’re at the bar with friends and some arrogant yahoo is telling you to buy him a drink, and you happily oblige and take his number. Without realizing it, you’ve slowly started to lower your expectations to the point of settling for less.

I was reminded the other day by my pastor, that true love is when someone pours themselves into you. They give more to the ones they love than they take from them. That’s what we should be expecting from a man.

I’ve always struggled with setting expectations because I tend to aim so high that it becomes impossible to obtain them. But I have to put my foot down when it comes to a man. If he doesn’t make me feel good about myself, if he refuses to be there when I need him, and he won’t respect me as his woman, then he’s not the one for me. If that means I’m high maintenance, then I’ll wear that badge with honor… Seriously!

6 Responses to "Part 4: Seriously, Expect More…"

“Give more to the ones you love than take from them” is what we should expect from anyone we let share in our lives.

Very true. It should be a give and take on both parts.

Expect more.. is what every woman deserves. Some women just don’t understand that they should. I think they don’t know what to expect. I think they get confused with the mother side of them, the girlfriend side, and the wife side. They all mean something different. If you ask me.. did you?

You’re right! In fact, I even wrote a post on this awhile ago about the many hats of women and making sure you wear the right one with your man. I often forget that some women just don’t know what to expect.

My Pastor explained a big part of the problem when he was speaking about the high rate of divorce; he said that too many people go into a marriage with the 100% rule – I give 50% and you give 50% and then wonder why they failed. BOTH GIVE 100% and real MEN understand that; ladies don’t lower your expectations.

Ah yes, ’tis better to give than receive. Sadly too many people forget this old saying. I’m holding out for the guy that gets it.

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Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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