Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Part 6: Seriously, like to be alone.

Posted on: September 15, 2010

Well, we’ve finally come to the conclusion of my A Seriously Series on Who Let The Dogs In, and I’ve saved my favorite point for last.

6. Like to be alone.

Unfortunately, being single often carries a stigma that there must certainly be something wrong with you if you aren’t in a serious relationship or married. Even more so, if you are a woman all up in your 30’s and haven’t found a man yet (shame on you Society).

Bridget Jones Diary

All By Myself

I think most of us single women can’t help but reflect back on the oh so close to home scene in Bridget Jones’s Diary, where a flannel pajama wearing Miss Jones is all alone on a Saturday night drinking wine, smoking and doing a tortured rendition of Celine Dion’s “All By Myself”. (Classic scene — check it out on YouTube.) Sadly, it’s a stereotype that has become many a single girl’s nightmare.

While being alone night after night can at times feel painful, I’ve come to learn that it’s no where near has painful as staying in a relationship with someone who is not good for you. So often women will jump from one bad relationship to the next in a desperate attempt to never be single or alone. However, in my years of going solo, I’ve actually come to learn so much about myself and what I want, or more importantly need, in a relationship. You’ve got to learn to like yourself before you can expect someone else to like you.

Learning to be alone can be intimidating and frightening, but it can actually be a lot of fun. Since you really have no one to entertain you, it falls to you to figure out what you like to do. What do you want to eat? What movies or tv shows do you want to watch? What hobbies do you enjoy? What do YOU want to do?

Of course, there are different ways to be alone and I’m not talking about the depressed, bitter and angry version. This time on your own should be reflective, introspective and inspiring. Think about it, it’s quite difficult to determine how you can improve or grow as a partner if you never taken the time to truly reflect back on your past relationship. What went wrong? What role did you play? What could you have done differently?

Taking that time, and I mean time as in months not days, to be alone and come to conclusions that can benefit you and your new man going forward. Man hopping simply doesn’t accomplish that, it just takes the old habits and problems into the next relationship.

So the next time you find yourself leaving a relationship, take some time off to heal, reflect and set new goals for yourself. You’ll be refreshed and ready to give it another go when the time is right. Of course, if you’re aren’t too careful, you might end up like me and enjoy being alone so much the thought of being in a relationship makes you cringe. But that’s another series, seriously?

4 Responses to "Part 6: Seriously, like to be alone."

I whole-heartedly agree with you!

We women must learn to love ourselves, understand ourselves, and respect ourselves before we try to give that to someone else. Being single has really taught me a lot about myself. Sure, there are lonely times, but I am really enjoying my independence, the fact that I can do whatever I want to do before checking with someone else, and the SILENCE.

Your entry reminds me of a blog entry I recently wrote, called “Loving yourself first; it does a body – and mind – good”

Thanks for sharing; I always enjoy reading your posts.

Thanks 4allthesingleladees for reading and sharing your comments. Your post is dead on as well, there is so much you can learn about yourself if you just spend time with you. The relationship with you is one of the most important ones you will have in your lifetime and should be cultivated with care and attention.

I happen to be married, to a great guy… but spend a lot of time alone. Why? My husband works long and crazy hrs. I love spending time with myself … as you stated you learn what you like and don’t like. You go places by yourself. You learn to love yourself more and more. I think there are a lot of women in my situation that are married, but the demands of their spouses job forces them to be alone. So going it alone just proves what you said.. its a place not a life style and you don’t stay there very long….seriously not being married..

Thanks Kathy, this is true even for married women. Spending time alone is beneficial to everyone and shouldn’t be feared. I used to often say that I wanted to marry a guy who had to travel for work so I could get some serious alone in. 🙂

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Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

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