Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Seriously, men are for “dating”.

Posted on: October 20, 2010

I’m probably dating myself here, but does anyone remember the movie When Harry Met Sally? If you haven’t seen it, you should rent it on NetFlix, if for no other reason then to see how cute Meg Ryan was before she let a plastic surgeon butcher her face. Tragic.

The movie is most famous for the classic scene where Sally proves to Harry in a public restaurant that women do indeed fake it, and do it very well. But the movie wasn’t about the big O, it was actually about the changing face of a friendship between a man and a woman. The following is part of a dialogue from the movie:

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Whenever I hear a woman who has been spending a lot of quality time with a guy say, “but we’re just friends”, I automatically think of this movie and shake my head. It may just be me, but I’m simply not convinced that it’s possible to truly be friends with a man — no strings attached. So can a man and a woman be nothing more than friends without someone wanting more? I’m not a dating guru, although after 20 years you would think I at least had a degree in it, but I have seen these scenarios all to often:

yes-no-maybe

What do you think?

1. You like him – he no like you. Painful! You hang on as “friends” in hopes that he will one day recognize that you are the woman of his dreams. You spend so much time trying to convince yourself that you are okay with being friends that you actually forget to be his friend.

2. He likes you – you no like him. Even more painful. You have to endure the puppy dog I love you eyes every time you hang out with him. He continually reminds you that you are just friends, but you can tell he he’s really just trying to convince himself.

3. After years of friendship, you decide that there’s “something there” so you take it to the next level. If you can get past the incredibly awkward period, you may stand a chance. But that interim period where you can’t figure out if this is a good idea or not makes it very difficult on all parties involved.

Maybe I’ve just had bad experiences, but it doesn’t seem possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex without the awkwardness of attraction flying around the relationship. In my opinion, men are for “dating” and women are for friendships. If you truly want to be friends with a man, may I suggest a good gay one with a great fashion sense, seriously?

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11 Responses to "Seriously, men are for “dating”."

umm…i hate you. that’s all.

Did I touch a nerve? I promise I wasn’t thinking about you when I wrote this post…wait, that’s not completely true.

As you know from reading my blog posts, I’m currently going through No. 3 on your list with one of my dear friends. But, I have to disagree with you with regards to men and women not being able to have a true friendship.

I have a few friends who happen to be male and we’ve been friends for years (since college). Sure, there might be some level of attraction there, but never in my wildest dreams would I consider dating them. They are so not my “type,” but I love them to death as a friend because they are just cool peeps and would never cross the line. It all depends on the angle each person takes it. Sure, there are definitely scenarios like you’ve listed, but there are women out there that happen to get along better with men and men who get along better with women.

That’s my take on it.

Thanks for sharing your views on this subject. I find it’s the attraction piece that typically gets in the way of the friendship and makes it difficult to be fully exposed to a male friend. I understand being acquaintances and hanging out with men but truly deep, share everything, cry on shoulder friendship, I’m not sure.

I have been following your relationship with your friend and can’t wait to see how it turns out. I truly hope it works out for you two, a good relationship needs that connection at the core.

I agree Mika.. 100% …. Ain’t nothing like my girlfriends!

True. Those people that I tend to have that “truly deep, share everything, cry on shoulder friendship” with are women. I think that’s because women can relate to other women.

Interesting that this has been the topic of many lunches lately.
These types of relationships tend to give mixed messages. As soon as you think, this may be going somewhere, he calls to tell you about a great date he just went on and wants your opinion.
Then you end up holding your tongue trying not to bash the “bitch” he appears to be head over heels for, after all you’re just friends.
Give me my girlfriends so we can “male bash” all day long and still come out of the conversation, laughing at them and at ourselves.
Did I mention: Gay guys Rock!

Funny, I’ve even seen some gay men/women friendships having to deal with the attraction issue. However, I am accepting applications for a gay male friend. 🙂

I had male friends before I got married and my husband had female friends before we got married. I talk to my male friends from time to time and likewise with my husband. They are ALL just friends.

I think Bishop Ed Long is taking applications. LOL

So, sorry for the late posting. Its been a while since I was at my technology (and yes, the beach was a blast).

I think its possible for a man and a woman to have that intimacy without actually having sex. That being said, it is EXTREMELY rare. And, I believe there is always a core/underlying component of the sexual attraction too. Its all whether or not the thoughts are acted upon.

To further complicate matters, it is easy for one to turn to the other in a ‘time of need.’ For example, if one is going through a divorce or without a girlfriend/boyfriend, it is easy to get signals crossed and confused.

I do have a guy friend of over 20 years now and somehow we never managed to have sex. (Thankfully!) We’ve cried on each other shoulders, gone through a total of 3 different marriages, 2 divorces and several engagements – just not with each other. Very rare, very special.. and not unlike a baby pigeon for most people. You know it may exist -even that it HAS to exist – but it is never seen.

Tina, thanks for your comment. I’m impressed that you and your friend were able to not cross the line despite the sexual attraction given the deep level of your friendship. Guess every rule has an exception, which means one day we will see a baby pigeon.

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Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

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