Seriously? Is It Just Me…

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It always amazes me when I hear women say that “Oh, I use to date him….but now he is dating my good friend”…I’m like, WTF – GROSS. I can honestly say that between my good girlfriends we have never dated the same man (and I think we never will). It is like an unwritten law between the group of us. Yes sometimes we will all be out and see a hot guy and one of us will say “I piss on him” – as that is code for “he is mine, back off ladies” – so you have to let her take him. 

I was wondering why we do this (besides the “ick” factor) – and I think it is because we all have very different tastes in men. Here they are:

  • Mika – loves the “blue collar” man at first, but I think she needs someone in her own class system – girl, blue collar is fun – but in the morning they are going to be threatened by your lifestlye.
  • K-Dub – this is a woman that is always “pulled together” – extremely professional, etc. But show her a man with piercings and TATS and she goes crazy. This cracks me up  because it is the exact opposite of what you would think that she likes…K-Dub – bad boys are fun (for the evening)….and I know you could use that now – so I say GO FOR IT!
  • Contessa – girl you date some undesireables – STOP IT – they will “cut you”. I don’t want to end up on “America’s Most Wanted” helping to search for some dillhole
  • Sister (before she married) – she always loved the white man – and she finally found a “good one” – YEA!
  • Mother – I think she just likes them all (she is the mother I never had) – younger, older, black, white, they are precious in her sight!
  • Me – what I really like are professional men, 10-20 years olders – suits/ties drive me crazy. We all know that I stray from this on occasion (OK maybe more than on occasion) – but overall I think that it has served me well.

So if anyone fits into one of those categories (or you know someone that does) – my girls might date you – or at least “piss on you”…and wouldn’t you like that – SERIOUSLY!

As some of you know Mika and I are going to France in 2 1/2 weeks (SQUEAL of Delight going on)….I am beyond excited, even though I can barely speak the language and when Mika does (it is hilarious). A group of us were together last night for a “diva” party and we were discussing our trip. One of my goals is to find a HOT Frenchman and to actually practice “french” kissing in the city that gave that wonderful kiss its name.

Mika’s goal is to never come back to just find a French man to marry and be done with all of us.  Of course I am a little known for vacation “incidents” with men. So odds are in my favor that I will be able to reach my goal and I am so looking forward to doing that ( I am all about GOALS). Personally, I hope his name is “michelle” I love that name for a French man (even if it is not Michelle, I think I will call him that – really, what does it matter).

I did warn Mika that if my goal did not come to fruition and I did not get my kiss – she better watch out for me on the last night – she might be “the lucky one”….Seriously!

A few years ago I went to a wine event, my Sister introduced me to some of her friends. I said, “hi, I’m Kim T.”. One of the guys looked at me odd and said “Kim T., Kim T. from (insert the city where I live here)”…I immediately started panicking. I thought “did I sleep with him or something” he did not look familiar at all. Then he told me his name – I was like “OH” (still no clue) – then he reminded  me that I was the first girl that he ever “french kissed” when we were 11 (yes, a tad young – but I was a huge fan of Dallas as a child and they did that all the time). I thought it was very glamorous…well FRENCHY and I had a huge chuckle about this and proceeded to see each other over the years at different wine events – we would laugh and tell people how we knew one another (cute story)…

Well, I ended up breaking up with my ex and a month later I went to a beer event with Mika and Sister. Frenchy was there also. A group of us went to the “Pig” to drink some more (a LOT more). Well, I figure what the heck, it had been over 20 years, I might as well try FRENCHY out again….ultimately I was disappointed in the event.

I guess sometimes the past should stay in the past…Seriously!

The other day I was talking to my precious cub (aka – 25 year old  that I dated off and on for 1 1/2 years). We have stayed close friends – (aka – I give him advice – would say motherly, but that is gross). Well I was asking him about his lovelife. I knew that he had been eyeballing a “girl” that works at the tanning salon. She was really cute (as I have had the pleasure of meeting her a few times) and she is “age appropriate” for him. I knew (through some spies that I have planted) that they had gone out on several dates and wanted to get the scoop.

Cub told me that he was not going to see her anymore she was too  immature – this of course made me chuckle – someone was too immature for the man who liked to watch cartoons and eat cereal on my couch (for dinner). I asked him why did he think that – he proceeded to tell me that they were shopping for his nieces and went in the Disney store and she was going on and on about how much SHE wanted all of the Disney stuff – (ewww – never will understand adults wearing disney items). I said “well that’s not too bad, cub – you should keep trying if you really like her”….

Then the truth came out – she was a VIRGIN – i literally fell on the floor as I was laughing so hard (could have broke something). He said “I know, I can’t go from dating you (Kim) to dating a VIRGIN – it’s just not right”. This was probably one of the funniest things that I have ever heard. But incredibly true.

It would be like taking “wine” away from an alcoholic and just offering him some grape juice – I think he learned a valuable lesson….SERIOUSLY!

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Just found this out a little bit ago (on Facebook) of all places. My ex (who I lived with/worked for) has gotten married. Hmmm – how do I feel about this? In a word: WEIRD.

Did I ever want him back? HELL NO – he was an awful partner – (did I mention the drug problem that was unknown to me, but everyone else knew about) – I guess what really bothers me is that he always made me feel like something was wrong with me, that I was not a good person, that I was lucky to have him (and not vice versa) – he always had to be center of attention (and if you know me, that is where i want to be -giggle).  He made me “shrink” as a person for 3 1/2 years and for that I will always be angry (but more at myself for settling).

Just stirs up a lot of feelings of inadequacies. I know I am 100 x’s better off now than when we were together – like Mika said when the two of us split “I feel like I am getting my KIM back”.  OK – this actually felt better to type this out – kind of like free therapy (sorry Alyssa)…

All I have to say is that the new “Mrs. Cokehead” needs to keep her assets in her name and watch for flying wine bottles….Seriously

OK – a few weeks ago Mika and I were talking about the different people that we had added as “friends” on FACEBOOK – some we did not really want to add but felt obligated to add anyway – I told her “just add them and you can delete them in a few weeks and they will not know the difference” – little did I know that I would be “burned” in the same manner.

I have an “ex” who lives in St. Pete Beach – we briefly dated but have stayed friends over divorces, different couplings, job changes, etc. We became friends on facebook a few mos. ago. Every  now and then he would post something a bit “dirty” and I would delete it – but no big deal.

Well last week I went to wish him a “merry x-mas” on facebook and he was not listed as a “friend”. I was like WTF – I immediately emailed him to uncover the mystery. Well Paulie married a new wife within the last year and she made him delete anyone that he had been “intimate” with as being his friend on FACEBOOK…I was like “well, you must have lost half your friends – you perv”

This is weird for me – i understand why she would do that – even though i have absolutely “NO INTEREST” – (if I did, I would still be with him – whatever) – but none of my business….just feels weird to be shunned like that (or slapped with silence as they say on The Office). I guess I now know how it feels and need to rethink my Facebook etiquette….Seriously!

Mika and I looked fabulous on Friday night – she was “oh so tight” in a sweater dress/boots – and I was “kicking it” in jeans – silk tank/blazer. We went to an “fabulous party ” full of HOT men…who told us all night long “wow, you guys are PRETTY” – “Mika, you look so HOT in that dress” – “Kim, come make out with me under the mistletoe”.

You would think that this would be a CRAZY evening full of debauchery and fabulous stories – unfortunately all of them were GAY (except for 2 straight men that were taken). At one point I looked at Mika and said “seriously, WTF – are we doing here”. We said our goodbyes because honestly we both were getting a little “frustrated” (if you know what I mean). 

I realized that I would have much rather been home that evening doing the following: hot shower, nyquil and QUALITY time with myself, SERIOUSLY!

Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?

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