Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Archive for the ‘Aging Ungracefully’ Category

With the passing of each year, it sickens me how fast it goes by with no more than the sound of a whisper. Yet ringing loudly in my ears, are the adults’ voices from my childhood mocking my naive frustration at how slowly my life was taking at delivering the requisite milestones of youth. However, the beginning of a new year symbolizes hope, change and opportunity which are all reasons I enjoy this time of the year. (It’s certainly not for the weather, yikes).

As most bloggers are writing posts on memories from the previous year, or what they anticipate occurring in the upcoming year, I decided that I would reflect on the things I won’t do this year. More specifically, the things that I often find myself forgetting to do until I’m reminded too late that another year is gone.

Therefore, this year, I won’t forget:

1. To find time every morning to meditate, reflect and pray. The day always looks a little brighter after spending a few minutes alone with God.

2. To tell those whom I love how much they mean to me. Unfortunately, I’m not good at verbally sharing my thoughts and feelings. Maybe a text or short email to them every once in a while could be the message that makes their day survivable.

3. To remember my dreams and goals. Life is certainly meant to be enjoyed not endured, and moving towards a dream makes the valleys not as pointless and the peaks even more hopeful.

4. To spend time enjoying my own company. Interestingly enough, living alone you tend to often be alone, but I’m usually watching hours of reality TV marathons instead of journaling, taking a walk, or enjoying an afternoon latte.

5. To be more thankful. This is definitely a thought process that can change my life, and I know it first-hand and through the effects it has had on others. I’m not talking about Pollyanna-ing life, but truly finding something to be thankful for every day, even if it’s that I didn’t oversleep. I know it’s challenging to be thankful when life is throwing me a round of one-two punches, but if I can see the small things that are good, it could help me take my blows like a champ.

Recently, I read a quote by Eric Butterworth — “don’t go through life, grow through it”. Sometimes it’s just the small changes that you strive for that make it worthwhile. Life is certainly full of ups and downs, and this year, I don’t want to forget the good things when I find myself having to weather the bad times. So I hope that your 2011 will be prosperous and full of the little things you won’t forget to do.

Oh, and one more thing…

I won’t forget that I’m too old to be climbing five foot brick walls wearing six-inch heels and a tight dress. I’ll just expect to be thrown over the wall by a guy I barely know as I expose myself to the crowd, just like I did on New Year’s Eve in 2010. Seriously!

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Occasionally, a former male boss and I had would find ourselves having some rather random yet interesting conversations in lieu of working through a difficult project. On one particular day, we found ourselves discussing hair transplants and the process involved in restoring hair in places where there was none. Unfortunately, my supervisor was among the roughly 40 million men in the United States suffering from male pattern baldness (thank you Wikipedia for the stat). So naturally, he was for the procedure, while I was arguing against it since I, along with many women, prefer a man who embraces his baldness over one who fights it down to the last hair standing.

My boss was unexpectantly surprised that a young (I was at the time) single woman would find a bald man visually acceptable, if not attractive. This made me wonder if most men fighting against the battle of hair loss even realize that most women really don’t care that they are bald, and in fact many find a clean-shaven head a sexy quality in a man. However, this revelation does come with a few disclaimers that must be communicated before men start running through the streets shouting that thinning hair is the new do.

Bald man

Take it all off...

1. The combover is disturbing. I tend to think that even Donald Trump knows the attempt to hide a large bald area by forcing a handful of hair strands to cover it up is not a good look. Unfortunately, he has branded it to a point where anything different would probably result in the loss of millions of hard-earned dollars. So let’s all agree that The Donald can singlehandedly rock the combover, while the rest of balding men shave it off.

2. Bald ponytails are pathetic. I realize that it’s difficult to accept that parts of your head can grow hair like a weed while others have succumbed to a pathetic hair follicle death, however it’s truly sad to see a man who is bald on top sporting a long ponytail. It’s an oxymoron that is doing you no favors, so accept the baldness in its entirety and let it all go. Just think how much you’d save on shampoo.

3. Hair hats are stupid. Guys, I know that you think wearing a hat full of faux hair on the top takes you back to the days when you had the warmth of hair on your head, but it’s not sexy or cool. In fact, you look ridiculous and frankly it’s misleading. Whenever I see one of those hats I wonder what animal had to die to make a hat with that stupid hair style.

Since I like the look of a cleanly shaven bald head, I will use this post to personally let the balding guys of the world off the hook, and inform them that baldness can work to your advantage if you just embrace it. If you can swallow the fact that you belong to an ever-growing group of hairless men, and learn to rock it well and with confidence then you just might find yourself a beautiful woman who enjoys rubbing on that smooth head of yours. Seriously!

End note: My boss never got the hair plugs; I like to think it’s because of my exceptional debating skills.

Ah, birthdays! The one time of year where your loved ones take the time to celebrate your life through parties, sweet treats, and let’s not forget, gifts. This past Friday was my 36th birthday, and not to be outdone by my family and friends, my own body decided to bestow upon me a few presents just to say here’s to another year:

  1. The gift of a rash, apparently from the mixture of firming lotion and my previous year’s gift of having to now wear Spandx. FYI: Lotion + Spandx = Rash!
  2. The gift of an even lower tolerance for dairy products. I’ll spare you the details of this surprise present, but apparently each year, I should expect my lactose tolerance to significantly go down.
  3. The gift of required napping. I’ve rarely required an afternoon nap to finish out the day but apparently I’m now able to fall asleep with sunlight streaming through the windows, the TV on full blast, and sirens blaring in the background.

While I’ve had a wonderful birthday weekend celebrating with family and friends, it seems my body simply wasn’t going to let me forget that I am indeed another year older. Seriously!

Halloween Pumpkin

Gimme Some Candy!

It’s certainly difficult to believe that another month from the year 2010 is almost over. With the approach of the cold winter months upon us and a time change that returns us back into darkness looming, you can’t help but anticipate the arrival of Halloween.

To be honest, I’ve always struggled internally with this spook-tacular holiday as it was a mere two days after my birthday and most people wanted to just make it a two-for-one celebration. I grew up believing my birthday was all about me (truth be told, still do), so sharing it with a holiday that focused on pumping out sweets to everyone who formed three little words made it feel…not so special. But it sure was fun!

While I’m no longer a big fan of holiday celebrations, the fact that one of the most controversial holiday’s high points, trick or treating, is dying a slow death has been weighing heavily on my mind. As I reminisce upon the Halloween’s of my childhood, I realized that long gone are the days:

  • when kids would dress up in a hand-made costume designed by a creative mom with very little extra spending money;
  • when no one thought twice about letting a group of 8-10 year olds in masks roam the streets after dark begging random strangers for candy, baked goods and sodas;
  • when everyone celebrated the holiday on the same day and afterwards we all retired to our homes high on sugar and fructose syrup without being paranoid that it would later give us some form of cancer.

Maybe it’s just me, but the biggest tradition of Halloween feels lost and instead we now have:

  • parents choice on when to take children trick or treating. I’m still waiting for someone to explain to me why the rest of us are expected to have enough candy for the weekend instead of just one night;
  • advertising directed at kids that suggests hand-made costumes are embarrassing and that Mommy should buy an expensive plastic one instead of using her creativity to make you an outfit;
  • to worry that the wares you so skillfully acquired during your trick or treating hour will apparently kill you and if not, at least stain your teeth badly.

Boo! No pun intended, but Halloween seems unfamiliar without the trick or treating. I’m sad for my nephew who may never truly know how much fun this holiday was when the world was not trying to harm you or make a profit off you.

I guess this Hallowed Eve is best left to the adults as we dress up in our most scantily clad outfits, throw back a few alcoholic beverages and wake up the next day actually feeling like a zombie instead of just playing one. Seriously?

Have a safe and fun Halloween! Boo Ya’ll!

Out of Order

Maybe it's broken...

Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when a Saturday night out with a girlfriend was merely an excuse to go man hunting. We would get all dolled up in our sexiest clothes, the more you show the better your odds, and then teeter off to the newest hot spot in search of the “one” (because yes, he was in the clubs and bars despite what those old 30 plus year olds said).

Upon arrival, we would squeeze our way through the sea of people searching for the perfect bar seat that gave us the best opportunity to survey the crowd looking for hot guys. The added bonus, of course, would be people watching which was always one of our favorite past times. The rest of the evening would be spent scanning the room looking for a “sponsor” to buy us a drink and entertain us.

As I reflect back on those days of trying to snag a man, a hook-up or a friend, I’ve come to realize that I may have lost my dating mojo. I probably would be panicking right about now, if it were not for the fact that one of my girlfriends* has clearly lost hers too.

A few weeks ago, she and I made plans to actually get out of the house one Saturday night and decided to sashay over to a new bar in town. It turned out to be a really cool spot as we consumed fabulous cocktails, munched on yummy tapas, and chattered well into the evening.

I was in the middle of a story (which was funny, I’m sure) when I was approached by a slightly intoxicated guy so far from my type I wasn’t sure if he meant to talk to me or my girlfriend. Since I’m all for meeting new people, I politely engage in small talk before he asks if he could buy me a drink. Now, the younger me would have been all — “yes, I’d like another of what I’m having” because you never turn down free drinks, but instead I say, “no thanks, I have to drive home”. (More like I didn’t want to get a cab and potentially sleep on my friend’s bathroom floor.)

Thinking that would knock the wind out of his sails, I attempt to return back to my story, which I’m positive now was funny. However, that didn’t deter him as he proceeds to fill me in on his life details — in the music business, recently divorced, has an eight year old kid, and apparently likes his women of the chocolate variety (yes, he shared that with me).

So I’m nodding and smiling as I see my pursuer’s wingman, a rather short black man, make a beeline to my girlfriend. We had been tag teamed. Now, women with their dating mojo intact may have been all over this situation. Free drinks, musicians with connections (apparently Kid Rock and George Clintion, but no confirmation received), and no girl left behind to fend for herself. But not the two of us, instead in perfect unison as if part of a synchronized swim team, we both ask the bartender for our checks, insert laughter, leave our tips, insert hair flip, accept their numbers and then bolt for the door. Not a word exchanged between the two of us.

Clearly annoyed we stomp down to our cars when suddenly my friend busts out laughing. She points out that we both got hit on, ended up with phone numbers and we’re pissed off about it. I started feeling sad for us, but then I thought if they had been more our types that we would have stayed, drank and had a lovely time, but I the thing is I can’t say that for certain. Guess I need to go find my mojo, seriously?

* No names will be used…but she knows who she is.

I’ll tell you what, this whole aging process is quite bizarre. When I was just a wee lass, I could not even imagine who I would be, what I would look like or what I would be doing in the year 2010, and lo and behold it’s here. I vividly remember writing my new year’s post last year, as I reflected on the lessons I learned in 2008 (flashback post). However, instead of looking back this time, I’ve been thinking through a few things that I’m looking forward to this year:

1. Meeting my nephew.
Yes, yes ya’ll. I’m going to be an Aunt to a very handsome little boy. And if the next 20 years of my life fly by as quickly as the past ones have, I suspect I’ll be beating a few hoochies off my nephew and probably a cougar or two before I know it.

2. Visiting a new country.
I’m still on the fence (sorry, Mother) about an upcoming trip to Africa this year. While I think this will be the most interesting place I’ve ever traveled to, I’m a little uncomfortable about the level of security in Kenya. Nonetheless, when I get over my apprehension, I hope to visit the Motherland and explore some of her spectacular landscapes. Look for pictures later this summer.

3. Getting more readers for my blog.
I’m going to need your help on this one. Tell your mamas, tell your friends, tell your friend’s mamas about my blog. I would love to increase my readership and continue passing on my pebbles of insight into a modern single girl’s life.

4. Finding the man of my dreams.
Hell, I hope for this every year. Who knows, maybe this year I’ll get lucky. Fingers crossed everyone.

5. Wearing my new hot boots from NYC.
I had the incredible opportunity to spend New Year’s Eve in New York City’s Times Square when the new decade surfaced, and as a gift for standing in the cold and rain to ring in the new year I went shopping. Of course, I bought some new boots that I can’t wait to wear this year…or should I say this month. I’m pretty sure I’ll be sick of them before Presidents Day, just in time for a Valentines gift to me from me with love.

I don’t know about you, but there is something about a new year that makes me so excited about life. New opportunities, new relationships and new adventures are just around the corner. Here’s to a prosperous and wild 2010, seriously!!

Happy New Year!

Over the years, I’ve had many an older woman compliment me on my fashionable shoes only to then tell me they can no longer wear high heels because of back problems. I smile politely and sashay on by thankful that I’m not too old to still wear my stilettos.

However, just recently, my monthly allotted shoe purchase happened to be a pair of black studded heels clearly designed to show off rather than provide any function whatsoever. Very hot yet very impractical – or as I call them “show shoes”.

A few days later, as I darted off to work in my new fancy barbie doll heels, I realized instantly that I had made a terrible mistake. Not only were my feet in pain but my lower back was hurting. OMG! My heels had finally turned on me! Throughout the day, I gingerly walked around the office wincing in pain and forcing myself to not show defeat by taking them off until I got home.

As I worked to control my panic of possibly losing the opportunity to wear my heels it dawned on me, my back wasn’t hurting from my heels, it was hurting from my vigorous yoga workout the day before. Yep, that has to be it! I’m getting too old for exercise not my impractical 4-inch high heels. Seriously?


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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