Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category

Apparently my life has become a touch out of control lately, as I’m rather busy running around frantically doing…absolutely nothing. I wish I could say I have been busy writing a book, volunteering for a charity or cleaning out my closets but alas I’ve done none of those things.

If I’m perfectly honest, I have been spending the majority of my free time working my way (successfully I might add) through the five phases of the highly addictive mobile phone game, Angry Birds*. Oh, and I knocked out the Angry Birds’ season edition as well, but that’s hardly anything to boast about given that I should be posting a blog every week.

Angry Birds Addiction

Just Say No!

Unfortunately, my addiction to Angry Birds has caught up with me, as I’ve now waited until the last minute to pull together my presentation on “social media for today’s financial leaders” that I’m expected to give next week at my former/new employer, Bank Director’s, annual M&A conference in Scottsdale.

Of course, I’m panicking because I have no idea what to expect with a room full of mostly senior white men who have spent the majority of their careers successfully leading financial institutions rather than effectively using technology to communicate.

So this week, instead of spending the level of quality time I require on my blog posts, I’ve decided I need to focus on what the hell I’m going to say to these guys so that I can sound relatively intelligent. Therefore, while I’m off in sunny (Hallelujah, I get to see the sun again — don’t hate) Arizona next week, feel free to read a post or two from some bloggers who I’ve connected with over the past few months:

So How Does It Taste
For you foodies who like to eat with your eyes and ears
www.sohowsittaste.com

4 All the Single Ladies
Catch up on her friend turned boyfriend turned friend saga
4allthesingleladees.wordpress.com

Next Stop, Happiness
The personal journey of a woman coming to terms with her destiny
nextstophappiness.com

Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist
A blog version of a reality TV show train wreck – loves it!
blog.penelopetrunk.com

Okay, so now I’ve got to work on my presentation…oh wait, you know what would help me focus? Knowing what I’m going to wear during my session because really that is more important than what I have to say, seriously?

* If you have no free time but want to spend your time playing an awesomely entertaining yet mindless game, then check it out.

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The Internet is a beautiful thing. It provides immediate access to a wealth of information, acts as a communication tool making it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world, and it has the uncanny ability to turn a “nobody” into a “somebody” literally overnight.

This past week, you pretty much had to be living under a rock (or never use a technology device) to not have heard the story about Ted Williams. For those of you who just pulled your head out of the sand, Ted Williams, was a homeless man from Ohio with a golden voice, who was discovered by a local videographer who regularly drove past Ted begging for money. It’s truly an amazing story of how a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser who had lost everything was given the opportunity to get back on his feet, all thanks to the power of the Internet. Voice over deals from Kraft, Cleveland Cavaliers among others began to pour in, and the once unkempt panhandler was about to collect thousands of dollars.

These are the success stories that most Americans love to share, discuss and support, including myself. Frankly, I’m tired of the reality show drama kings and queens being catapulted on to the celebrity pedestal for simply having the nerve to sleep around, get drunk and engage in cat fights in a public forum. I was extremely disturbed the day I heard that Snooki from the Jersey Shore (yes, you know who I am talking about) had “written” a book after she confessed to Ryan Seacrest that she didn’t have a formal education and had to use a professional writer to draft it for her. Hello, I would love a book deal, and I’m sure so do the hundreds of extremely talented writers shopping around their manuscripts.

Or let’s take one of the many bankrupt real housewives who decided to record a song without an ounce of vocal talent, as they earn a number one single without even taking the process seriously. I know there are thousands of struggling songwriters and vocalists working day and night just for the chance to record, let alone get a song heard on the radio.

Sure I may sound bitter, and honestly I was for a while, especially after the whole Snooki book deal announcement (shiver). Then I heard the story about Ted Williams, and I thought finally America got it right, we have anointed a “nobody” with fame who truly deserved the chance to make money off his God-given talent and I beamed as I listened to stories surrounding his newfound “somebody” status.

Unfortunately, fame doesn’t come without paying a hefty price, and sadly Ted has entered a rehabilitation center for his addictions. My heart fell, as I imagined how overwhelmed he must have felt as he received job offers that earned him more money in an hour than many of us make in month, which surely brought out the vultures who wanted a piece of his financial success, and then at his loss of privacy as the paparazzi hounded him for photos and interviews.

And in true American form, as his downfall quickly spreads through the media, we will soon forget about Ted, as we move on to the next “nobody” seeking their 15 minutes of fame. So too, will we one day forget about Snooki, as the next rising drunk girl with a gimmick finds her way onto our computers, TVs and radios. Watching Ted’s quick fall from the pedestal, I realized that the price of fame must certainly be paid by all involved even the broke housewives. Seriously!

Occasionally, a former male boss and I had would find ourselves having some rather random yet interesting conversations in lieu of working through a difficult project. On one particular day, we found ourselves discussing hair transplants and the process involved in restoring hair in places where there was none. Unfortunately, my supervisor was among the roughly 40 million men in the United States suffering from male pattern baldness (thank you Wikipedia for the stat). So naturally, he was for the procedure, while I was arguing against it since I, along with many women, prefer a man who embraces his baldness over one who fights it down to the last hair standing.

My boss was unexpectantly surprised that a young (I was at the time) single woman would find a bald man visually acceptable, if not attractive. This made me wonder if most men fighting against the battle of hair loss even realize that most women really don’t care that they are bald, and in fact many find a clean-shaven head a sexy quality in a man. However, this revelation does come with a few disclaimers that must be communicated before men start running through the streets shouting that thinning hair is the new do.

Bald man

Take it all off...

1. The combover is disturbing. I tend to think that even Donald Trump knows the attempt to hide a large bald area by forcing a handful of hair strands to cover it up is not a good look. Unfortunately, he has branded it to a point where anything different would probably result in the loss of millions of hard-earned dollars. So let’s all agree that The Donald can singlehandedly rock the combover, while the rest of balding men shave it off.

2. Bald ponytails are pathetic. I realize that it’s difficult to accept that parts of your head can grow hair like a weed while others have succumbed to a pathetic hair follicle death, however it’s truly sad to see a man who is bald on top sporting a long ponytail. It’s an oxymoron that is doing you no favors, so accept the baldness in its entirety and let it all go. Just think how much you’d save on shampoo.

3. Hair hats are stupid. Guys, I know that you think wearing a hat full of faux hair on the top takes you back to the days when you had the warmth of hair on your head, but it’s not sexy or cool. In fact, you look ridiculous and frankly it’s misleading. Whenever I see one of those hats I wonder what animal had to die to make a hat with that stupid hair style.

Since I like the look of a cleanly shaven bald head, I will use this post to personally let the balding guys of the world off the hook, and inform them that baldness can work to your advantage if you just embrace it. If you can swallow the fact that you belong to an ever-growing group of hairless men, and learn to rock it well and with confidence then you just might find yourself a beautiful woman who enjoys rubbing on that smooth head of yours. Seriously!

End note: My boss never got the hair plugs; I like to think it’s because of my exceptional debating skills.

Every year at Thanksgiving, as part of my family’s tradition, we go around the table and take turns saying one thing that we are thankful for. Then we toast each person’s statement by taking a sip of Manischewitz wine. No, we are not Jewish, but again thanks to my mother’s upbringing in the projects of New Jersey, she tends to channel a Jewish matriarch every now and again. Now, we all hate the super sweet grape wine, but the fact that it’s part of our giving thanks ritual, we refuse to give it up.

Of course, each year I’m always in such a hurry to make my required side dish that I forget to think through what I was going to be thankful for, which puts me in a panic because nothing ever seems to come to mind. When it’s my turn to give thanks, I ultimately give a general answer that involves being grateful for my family, friends and a job, which to be honest is still legitimate because without those things life can be pretty hard to manage.

However, as I’ve learned time and time again, one of the keys to finding happiness is to continuously give thanks to God for any and every thing. So this year, I started a gratitude journal where I would on a daily (er weekly) basis log the things that I was grateful for at that time. While not as consistent as I would have liked to have been, I did manage to write down quite a few things over this past year. So on this eve of Thanksgiving, I thought I would review my journal to see just how good my life has been over the past year. Here are a few things from my list that I thought would be beneficial to share:

  1. Thanking God for reminding me to be thankful.
  2. Thank You God for people who are comfortable rubbing on someone else to help relax them.
  3. Grateful that I’m not 16 anymore.
  4. Thanking God that I was able to wear my cutest shoes with no pain.
  5. Thank You God for rescuing the lost. I pray I’m next on your list.
  6. Thank You God for the incredible gift of a nephew.
  7. Thanking God for the beauty and calmness of candlelight.
  8. Thank You God for sisters!
  9. Thanking God for people who believe in me!
  10. Thankful for my mothers love, pride and encouragement.
  11. Thankful to live in a city that helps their own. Inspiring!
  12. Grateful for a Starbucks on every corner!
  13. Thanking God for the little things in life!
  14. The little things

  15. Grateful to see the light at the end of this tunnel.
  16. Thank You God for kind valets who let me park in their reserved spots.
  17. Thank You God for your confirmation message in the package of a great friend!
  18. Grateful for being able to laugh when I really want to cry.
  19. Thank You God for not getting angry at us because we don’t pray at every meal.
  20. I’m thankful for the unspoken love understood between two long time friends.
  21. Thanking God for not abandoning me when I was ready to abandon Him.

With over 250 items to choose from for this post, despite how difficult it was, I managed to end up being grateful for having so many things to be thankful for this year. May you and yours have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. Seriously!

This past week, I was in the fabulous city of Chicago attending a compensation event sponsored by my former/new employer, Bank Director magazine. My job was to blog and tweet on the various sessions, record a few video interviews, and conduct some low level market research on the use of smart phones in the banking industry. I know, sounds like a ton of fun, but I have to admit that I did learn a lot which I know will make my banker friends proud.

Of course, one can not fly the hour and a half to Chicago, stay in a four star hotel on Michigan avenue, and find themselves with a few hours to spare without doing some shopping. Oh, I was just giddy with excitement at the possibility of walking up and down the Magnificent Mile visiting my favorite stores including Aldo, Coach, and Burberry.”

Unfortunately, the shopping gods were not smiling on me this brisk November afternoon, as I was having no luck falling in love with that must have item (sounds a lot like my love life, maybe my ticker is broken). Nonetheless, I pressed on with my co-worker, who by the way was walking out of every store with an adorable handbag, before hitting our last stop, the go to store for all things shoes — MACYS!

As I was circling the tables loaded with the season’s latest open-toed boots and stiletto heels, I found myself face to face with a middle-aged black man who had apparently just bounced off the escalator. “Hey there”, he starts as I try to move past him. “You’re the size that I wish my fiance was.” I freeze in my tracks as I brace myself for the conversation that had nowhere to go but down from there. With a quizzical look on my face, all I could manage to do was nod once and raise my eyebrows in anticipation.

question marks

Seriously Confused!

Ignoring my look of concern, he continues. “We just got engaged and I told her I was going to have a hard time carrying her across the threshold.” He snickers as my look goes from concern to mortified. But he continues, “she’s about 40 pounds heavier than you, and she complains that I just want her to be the fun size”. At that point, it was very clear that this guy was full of nonsense. The fun size? I immediately turn around and walk off in the other direction never once uttering a single word at this guys ridiculous attempt at…what?

As I began checking out the sales rack, I wondered what was his motivation for those bizarre comments. Was he trying to compliment me by acknowledging that I had a nice figure, which seems odd to me since I have nothing in the way of curves? Was he trying to hit on me, but why start off acknowledging that he had a fiance? Was he trying to make fun of me by using his girlfriends snide remarks about skinny girls?

Just as I was giving up on my shoe search, I came to the conclusion that he was just an idiot who had suckered some poor girl into marrying him and she had no idea he was talking badly about her to other women. Mystery solved. Now if I could just find a pair of fun shoes in my size, seriously?

About a week ago while getting my weekly entertainment news fix, I came across an article revealing that the young pop-country “songstress” (and I use that term loosely), Taylor Swift had indeed written a song about her now shattered love affair with John Mayer. My first reaction was, is she old enough to be dating him, but then without really caring what the answer was to that question I wondered what is the attraction to this guy?

Love Notes

La La Lie to Me Meee

If you know anything about celebrity gossip you are all to aware that while John is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and says incredibly ignorant and incoherent things to the media on a regular basis, he has a ex-girlfriend roster that reads like an all-star female cast movie blockbuster. From Jessica Simpson to Jennifer Anniston, to rumored attempts with Kim Kardashian and now the young Taylor Swift. If I’m being honest, I’m quite baffled.

Unfortunately, Americans tend to idolize their celebrities to the point where if they wobble or (gasp), actually fall of their star-studded pedestals, everyone cries in astonishment at their imperfections. However, I like to think of celebrities more like a snapshot of society’s gene pool as they tend to be just as wounded, scared and rejected as the rest of us. So when I think of John Mayer and his continuous move from relationship to relationship, I can’t help but attempt to find the parrallels of his issues with the rest of ours. Despite not knowing anything about him or his lady friends, a few things do stand out to me:

1. The saying that women fall in love with their ears and not their eyes is certainly true in this case. Clearly, the awkwardly shaped John is not the hottest male celebrity on the market, which tells me he must be doing a dynamite job serenading these beautiful blonde bombshells with the lyrics from his poetic songs.

2. That he must actually treat their bodies as a wonderland, which in layman terms means, he’s getting the job done in the bedroom. Let’s face it, a woman that is being treated right in the sack tends to stick like glue.

3. Even though recent girlfriends have witnessed John’s track record of breaking hearts, they still continue to go out with him against their better judgement and end up being sweep away in some lyrical emotional trap. My only guess is that these starlets also suffer from a bad case of “I’m special enough to tame this bad boy” syndrome. How’s that working for you, Taylor?

Sadly, it seems that this is simply just a celebrity version of the same scenarios regular folks go through on a daily basis; a man who is afraid of commitment seducing beautiful women who don’t think they are worthy of a good honest man doing the gut wrenching dating dance.

Of course, in this particular case my black sisters don’t have to worry about being taken advantage of by this Yahoo, after he so inarticulately informed us all that he can’t bring himself to sleep with black women even though he thinks they’re hot (and I’m putting it mildly). I’m betting all the celebrity blondes who fell in his snare were wishing they were as lucky, seriously?

Halloween Pumpkin

Gimme Some Candy!

It’s certainly difficult to believe that another month from the year 2010 is almost over. With the approach of the cold winter months upon us and a time change that returns us back into darkness looming, you can’t help but anticipate the arrival of Halloween.

To be honest, I’ve always struggled internally with this spook-tacular holiday as it was a mere two days after my birthday and most people wanted to just make it a two-for-one celebration. I grew up believing my birthday was all about me (truth be told, still do), so sharing it with a holiday that focused on pumping out sweets to everyone who formed three little words made it feel…not so special. But it sure was fun!

While I’m no longer a big fan of holiday celebrations, the fact that one of the most controversial holiday’s high points, trick or treating, is dying a slow death has been weighing heavily on my mind. As I reminisce upon the Halloween’s of my childhood, I realized that long gone are the days:

  • when kids would dress up in a hand-made costume designed by a creative mom with very little extra spending money;
  • when no one thought twice about letting a group of 8-10 year olds in masks roam the streets after dark begging random strangers for candy, baked goods and sodas;
  • when everyone celebrated the holiday on the same day and afterwards we all retired to our homes high on sugar and fructose syrup without being paranoid that it would later give us some form of cancer.

Maybe it’s just me, but the biggest tradition of Halloween feels lost and instead we now have:

  • parents choice on when to take children trick or treating. I’m still waiting for someone to explain to me why the rest of us are expected to have enough candy for the weekend instead of just one night;
  • advertising directed at kids that suggests hand-made costumes are embarrassing and that Mommy should buy an expensive plastic one instead of using her creativity to make you an outfit;
  • to worry that the wares you so skillfully acquired during your trick or treating hour will apparently kill you and if not, at least stain your teeth badly.

Boo! No pun intended, but Halloween seems unfamiliar without the trick or treating. I’m sad for my nephew who may never truly know how much fun this holiday was when the world was not trying to harm you or make a profit off you.

I guess this Hallowed Eve is best left to the adults as we dress up in our most scantily clad outfits, throw back a few alcoholic beverages and wake up the next day actually feeling like a zombie instead of just playing one. Seriously?

Have a safe and fun Halloween! Boo Ya’ll!


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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