Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend

One of the exciting things about dating a new man is the announcement of your new “relationship” to your family and friends. You can’t wait to share all the details about your special someone and eagerly anticipate the congratulatory comments and confirmations that you have indeed found yourself a real catch. One of the first questions everyone will undoubtedly ask is “What does he do?”.
This is your chance to proudly boast that he’s a doctor (BTW: I’m still waiting for this opportunity), a school teacher or he serves in the military, to name a few. Or you may have to swallow some pride and show your support for your man by simply saying “he’s doing he’s thing at the local McDonalds” or “he’s working as a trash collector”. It’s legitimate work  and who am I to criticize a man for doing what it takes to pay his bills. But it breaks my heart when I learn that a girlfriend doesn’t recognize a job deal breaker when she sees one. There are just some “jobs” that a man does that are unacceptable no matter how many you ways you slice it.
Stripper – It’s cute when you’re in your 20’s and he’s hustling the “old” ladies as a part-time gig while he gets his education. But a professional stripper only opens up opportunities for you to get your heart shattered. Let him shake his thing and you go shake yours elsewhere.
Pimp –  Really? Enough said.
Drug Dealer – This may seem like a no-brainer but I do in fact know many women who have found themselves living the “American Gangster” lifestyle with a man who runs drugs through our neighborhoods, states and country.  I’m not just talking about the bottom runners who do all the street work, but the traffickers and the bosses. It’s tempting to forget that what they do is illegal when they wear business suits, speak multiple languages and have the business know-how of a Fortune 100 CEO, but ultimately someone (maybe you) will have to pay the price for their line of work.
I think the underlying issue here is that when we find our dating pool has dried up with no relief in site, our defenses go way down and we forget about our deal breakers. Or in some cases, we may have never formally established any deal breakers to measure anything against. Dating droughts can make a single girl do some crazy things, including unimaginable one night stands, but I’m a firm believer that you can be bad all by yourself. Don’t get mixed up with a man who could undo your confidence, relationships or success. Seriously!

One of the exciting things about dating a new man is the announcement of your new “relationship” to your family and friends. You can’t wait to share all the details about your special someone and eagerly anticipate the congratulatory comments and confirmations that you have indeed found yourself a real catch. One of the first questions everyone will undoubtedly ask is “What does he do?”.

This is your chance to proudly boast that he’s a doctor (BTW: I’m still waiting for this opportunity), a school teacher or he serves in the military, to name a few. Or you may have to swallow some pride and show your support for your man by simply saying “he’s doing he’s thing at the local McDonalds” or “he’s working as a trash collector”. It’s legitimate work  and who am I to criticize a man for doing what it takes to pay his bills. But it breaks my heart when I learn that a girlfriend doesn’t recognize a job deal breaker when she sees one. There are just some “jobs” that a man does that are unacceptable no matter how many you ways you slice it.

Stripper – It’s cute when you’re in your 20’s and he’s hustling the “old” ladies as a part-time gig while he gets his education. But a professional stripper only opens up opportunities for you to get your heart shattered. Let him shake his thing and you go shake yours elsewhere.

Pimp –  Really? Enough said.

Drug Dealer – This may seem like a no-brainer but I do in fact know many women who have found themselves living the “American Gangster” lifestyle with a man who runs drugs through our neighborhoods, states and country. I’m not just talking about the bottom runners who do all the street work, but the traffickers and the bosses. It’s tempting to forget that what they do is illegal when they wear business suits, speak multiple languages and have the business know-how of a Fortune 100 CEO, but ultimately someone (maybe you) will have to pay the price for their line of work.

I think the underlying issue here is that when we find our dating pool has dried up with no relief in site, our defenses go way down and we forget about our deal breakers. Or in some cases, we may have never formally established any deal breakers to measure anything against. Dating droughts can make a single girl do some crazy things, including unimaginable one night stands, but I’m a firm believer that you can be bad all by yourself. Don’t get mixed up with a man who could undo your confidence, relationships or success. Seriously!

There’s nothing worse than the surprise run in with an ex, well maybe there are a few things worse, but the shock and anxiety that hits you when you see an ex-lover, boyfriend or friend ranks pretty high up there. I think what makes it so bad is that it’s always when you least expect it and you feel blindsided.
There you are having a cocktail with a friend, laughing and joking, feeling like your life is full of meaning and purpose then – BAM – out of the corner of your eye, you spot that old familiar face. Wind starts rushing  in your ears, you no longer hear your friends voice, and you experience time travel  first hand as you are jolted back to the days of yore. If you happen to make it back to the present, the next step is the most critical. I’ve personally done each of the following:
a. Run and Hide – my personal favorite since I love to avoid conflict at any cost.
b. The Glamour Shot – check my make up, fix my hair, turn, smile and do the beauty queen wave. Then Run and Hide.
c. Grow a Quick Pair – Got up, went over and said hello along with a oh so casual “you look great”.  I kept the conversation short so as not to look like I gave a damn, which of course I did.
But seriously, here’s what I know. When you find yourself in the same space as the person you once loved as much as yourself and you start to taste the bile in your mouth, chances are you didn’t handle the dissolution of the relationship all that well. If this is the case, just do point A, and then go home and figure out why the pain is still so fresh. Gotta love personal growth – that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Seriously!

There’s nothing worse than the surprise run in with an ex, well maybe there are a few things worse, but the shock and anxiety that hits you when you see an ex-lover, boyfriend or friend ranks pretty high up there. I think what makes it so bad is that it’s always when you least expect it and you feel blindsided.

There you are having a cocktail with a friend, laughing and joking, feeling like your life is full of meaning and purpose then – BAM – out of the corner of your eye, you spot that old familiar face. Wind starts rushing in your ears, you no longer hear your friends voice, and you experience time travel first hand as you are jolted back to the days of yore. If you happen to make it back to the present, the next step is the most critical. I’ve personally done each of the following:

a. Run and Hide – my personal favorite since I love to avoid conflict at any cost.

b. The Glamour Shot – check my make up, fix my hair, turn, smile and do the beauty queen wave. Then Run and Hide.

c. Grow a Quick Pair – Get up, go over and say hello along with an oh so casual “you look great”.  I kept the conversation short so as not to look like I gave a damn, which of course I did.

But seriously, here’s what I know. When you find yourself in the same space as the person you once loved as much as yourself and you start to taste the bile in your mouth, chances are you didn’t handle the dissolution of the relationship all that well. If this is the case, just do point A, and then go home and figure out why the pain is still so fresh. Gotta love personal growth – that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Seriously!

For all you Twilight fans out there you’ll completely understand why I think it’s a good idea to date a vampire. Here are my top reasons why:

  1. He’s gorgeous. Yes, Edward is cuter than Robert Pattinson, no offense Bob!
  2. Although he’s 17 in human years, he’s technically 107 which is well over the legal age limit. Sweet!
  3. He sparkles like a diamond in the sunlight and we all know how much I love my bling.
  4. Since he can read minds, I won’t have to tell him what I want or how I like it..know what I mean. “wink wink”
  5. He’s a good vampire, so I don’t have to worry about him sucking the blood out of my friends and family. I hate it when your loved ones don’t get along with your new boyfriend.

This is really a great book/movie and the characters are wonderful, but this kind of “prince charming” is gonna screw with a lot of young girls heads, seriously!

It’s not like I did it on purpose but unfortunately things happen that you can’t control. My boyfriend at the time and I were on a double date with his brother and his date, who happened to be my friend (she has since become an ex-friend probably due to this story). We were attending a concert event that my boyfriend had been looking forward to for months. He loved the band and was estatic about seeing them play. While watching the opening acts we were all drinking our super sized beers, laughing, and having a good time. Before the main act came on, my boyfriend decides to go to the restroom leaving me with his brother and my friend. 

Somehow, the conversation turned to Rx drugs and what all we had taken in the past. I proudly boasted that I have Xanax on me and use it to help me in an anxiety-induced pinch (no shame in my game). “No you don’t”, claims the brother. “Oh yes I do. I’ll prove it to you”, I say as I pull out the little pink football pill. Well, after a super size me beer holding on to a itty bitty pill is tough and I accidently (a.k.a not on purpose) dropped the little bugger…and it landed right in his beer. Instantly, hundreds of tiny bubbles surrounded the pill and then poof it was gone right before our eyes. Stunned, we all just looked at each other in silence. “Throw out that beer”, my friend orders. “Hell no” says the brother seeing the perfect opportunity to enhance his concert experience. Before we could convince him otherwise, he downs his drug laced beer. Just then my boyfriend returns and we all quickly shush each other and turn to watch the show.

Well not 30 minutes later the brother is freakin’  falling asleep during the show; my friend is panicking and wants to call 911; and my boyfriend is completely dumbfounded as to why his brother would go to sleep during the concert of the year. I just shrug my shoulders and repeat to each of them, “oh everything is fine, he’s just sleepy”. Eventually my friend takes the brother out to get some air, and I have to confess to my boyfriend that I “drugged” his brother which leads to a very stern tongue slashing about “you should know better, you know how he is, yadda yadda yadda”.

Hell, it’s not like I held the boy down and poured the beer down his throat. Seriously.

As some of you may know over the past 1 1/2 years I have sporadically “dated” someone much younger than me (11 years – yes, I guess technically I am a COUGAR – GGGRRRR)….anyway this past 4th of July – Mika, Kelly, Luci, Jacob (his family) and I went to the Brentwood Music/Fireworks show…unbeknownst to me my little cub hunted me down at the event and decided to latch himself onto me for most of the evening  – Kelly was wondering who the kid was that kept sitting next to me and talking (yes, he does look awfully young). Anyway, we were enjoying adult beverages and at the end of the night my cub asked me if I wanted to come over to his parents house where he was staying that weekend – as they were out of town.

We could go swimming and shoot off more fireworks (b/c kids love their fireworks). Normally, I would not go to a guys parents house – but like I said I had been indulging in adult beverages. So of course, the answer was “YES”!!! Well I will spare most of the details – use your imagination – at one point we were in the pool and we were laughing/screaming so much the neighbors came out and just stared at us – OH MY.  I also broke two toes in the pool that evening (another story)

The next morning, as I was doing the “walk of shame” out of the house I looked over at the neighbors and there was the “dad” washing the car, just staring at me. I waved and said “hello, hope we weren’t too loud last night” – he looked at me like I was going to burn in hell – I am sure he told my cubs parents when they came home  – OH WELL. (From what I understand he has not been asked to housesit since then- HAHA)

I guess I learned a lesson – I am still going to do things like that, just try to be a little quieter – SERIOUSLY!

and this is why…they do nothing but tell you how pretty, how special you are and how much they love you all the time….and they want absolutely nothing from you….but maybe a little kiss now and then!  They will take you to fabulous parties, they love to go shopping with you and they always smell GREAT! 

The best part is…you can talk about hot guys – the couple that plays together, stays together! 

I keep asking my best gay boyfriend to marry me…I think he might eventually relent (at least to keep his mother happy)….I might be happier with him….SERIOUSLY!


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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