Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Posts Tagged ‘Girlfriends

grinch

Cuddly as a Cactus

For the past few years, I’ve made it a habit to change my Instant Messenger avatar to the Grinch as my way of letting the world know how I truly feel about the holiday season. I have several reasons for dreading the month of December which thankfully isn’t the purpose of this post. However, despite my desire to remain cuddly as a cactus until the new year, I do find myself enjoying a few Christmas traditions.

One of those traditions is watching at least one variation of A Christmas Carol. While the original is a great version, I actually enjoy the knock offs more (who would ever have thought I would recommend a knock off of anything). One in particular is Ebbie, played by the Daytime Emmy snubbed Susan Lucci, as she works her way up the department store career ladder to find herself bitter, alone and…well a scrooge. Despite how poorly acted, written and shot this adaption of A Christmas Carol is, I always settle in to watch it, at least up until the part when Tiny Tim begins singing a painful version of “Angels We Have Heard on High”.

So why do I eagerly await the showing of this classic christmas tale? Well, because of the moral. At the end, when the Scrooge character wakes up full of the Christmas spirit, and realizes that he or she should have been giving not taking, that life is too short for frugality and resentment, and that this is the time of the year to spend with your family and friends, I can’t help but get teary-eyed. I hate to say this, but I am a little like Scrooge. I don’t enjoy this time of year, but after watching that movie I remember that being surrounded by people I love and who love me is a blessing.

This past weekend was another one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season; my girlfriends’ annual holiday party. We eat, drink fancy cocktails, and laugh so hard we shed tears. I wish I could tell you exactly what is so funny, or why such an electic group of women have so much fun together, but in my heart I know it’s simply the bond of friendship. Thinking back on the year my friends endured, I realized that:

  • One of us became a mother;
  • Another lost a very important person in her life;
  • A few of us struggled to find good jobs in a tough economy;
  • Two of us worked hard to raise beautiful and smart daughters;
  • Half of us fought to maintain a healthy relationship with our mothers;
  • Some of us endured a lonely night or two in search of the one;
  • And all of us were there for each other through it all.

So this holiday season I’m going to remember to smile a bit more as I cherish the times I spend with those I love and thank God for truly blessing us, every one. Seriously!

Smerry Christmas Ladies!

8 days of christmas

Our version of a friend contract!

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Out of Order

Maybe it's broken...

Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when a Saturday night out with a girlfriend was merely an excuse to go man hunting. We would get all dolled up in our sexiest clothes, the more you show the better your odds, and then teeter off to the newest hot spot in search of the “one” (because yes, he was in the clubs and bars despite what those old 30 plus year olds said).

Upon arrival, we would squeeze our way through the sea of people searching for the perfect bar seat that gave us the best opportunity to survey the crowd looking for hot guys. The added bonus, of course, would be people watching which was always one of our favorite past times. The rest of the evening would be spent scanning the room looking for a “sponsor” to buy us a drink and entertain us.

As I reflect back on those days of trying to snag a man, a hook-up or a friend, I’ve come to realize that I may have lost my dating mojo. I probably would be panicking right about now, if it were not for the fact that one of my girlfriends* has clearly lost hers too.

A few weeks ago, she and I made plans to actually get out of the house one Saturday night and decided to sashay over to a new bar in town. It turned out to be a really cool spot as we consumed fabulous cocktails, munched on yummy tapas, and chattered well into the evening.

I was in the middle of a story (which was funny, I’m sure) when I was approached by a slightly intoxicated guy so far from my type I wasn’t sure if he meant to talk to me or my girlfriend. Since I’m all for meeting new people, I politely engage in small talk before he asks if he could buy me a drink. Now, the younger me would have been all — “yes, I’d like another of what I’m having” because you never turn down free drinks, but instead I say, “no thanks, I have to drive home”. (More like I didn’t want to get a cab and potentially sleep on my friend’s bathroom floor.)

Thinking that would knock the wind out of his sails, I attempt to return back to my story, which I’m positive now was funny. However, that didn’t deter him as he proceeds to fill me in on his life details — in the music business, recently divorced, has an eight year old kid, and apparently likes his women of the chocolate variety (yes, he shared that with me).

So I’m nodding and smiling as I see my pursuer’s wingman, a rather short black man, make a beeline to my girlfriend. We had been tag teamed. Now, women with their dating mojo intact may have been all over this situation. Free drinks, musicians with connections (apparently Kid Rock and George Clintion, but no confirmation received), and no girl left behind to fend for herself. But not the two of us, instead in perfect unison as if part of a synchronized swim team, we both ask the bartender for our checks, insert laughter, leave our tips, insert hair flip, accept their numbers and then bolt for the door. Not a word exchanged between the two of us.

Clearly annoyed we stomp down to our cars when suddenly my friend busts out laughing. She points out that we both got hit on, ended up with phone numbers and we’re pissed off about it. I started feeling sad for us, but then I thought if they had been more our types that we would have stayed, drank and had a lovely time, but I the thing is I can’t say that for certain. Guess I need to go find my mojo, seriously?

* No names will be used…but she knows who she is.

As a faithful fan of the Real Housewives of New York series, I’ll admit that I was quite excited to watch the reunion episode from this season. However, it turned out to be 40 minutes of constant bickering and bitching between seven grown women, which depending on who you ask makes great television.

The highlight of part one’s episode for those who had been watching was to see if Jill Zarin and Bethenny Frankel would mend their shattered friendship in front of millions of viewers. Personally, I had been anticipating this episode in hopes that they would, because frankly true friends are hard to find and I enjoyed watching them together.

I was a complete ball of nerves as I witnessed a tear stricken Jill apologize repeatedly to Bethenny for her callous behavior to her this season, her regret was stifling as she all but begged for forgiveness. Then it was Bethenny’s turn and I thought this is it, the make up. I was sitting on the edge of my sofa, anxiously awaiting the response that would make all the tension, drama and backstabbing displayed on this season worth the agony of watching each emotional show. And then Bethenny unleashed the flood gates of her hurt, anger and embarrassment onto Jill by outlining each of her wrong doings throughout their relationship. She reminded her how many times she tried to make amends and was repeatedly shut out to the point where her heart simply shattered. My mouth fell open, as I watched Jill run from the room crying and Bethenny stammering on about how she simply could not keep Jill in her life anymore. There would most certainly be no make up tonight.

As the show came to a close, I was feeling incredibly let down, frustrated and quite honestly angry with Bethenny. How could she not forgive this woman who appeared to so desperately want to be friends with her? What kind of person can see an old friend crying her eyes out and just say I can’t?

It was disheartening to say the least, until I remembered that friendships as close as they may have been do end and that’s okay.

When I went off to college, I made the decision to cut out my toxic best friend from high school. For so many years (awkward teenage ones, I might add), I tried to make that friendship work. I took her verbal abuse, her jealous attacks, and her backstabbing while forgiving her nasty comments and harsh demands to be her friend time and time again. And then with a shattered heart and bruised spirit, I was done. I had finally reached a point (more so, the courage) where I realized the relationship was unhealthy for the both of us and I ended it.

Over the years, my ex-girlfriend has repeatedly contacted me to makeup for her wrongness, seek forgiveness for her past behavior and suggest that we be friends again. And each time I listened to her, absorbed what she was saying, and forgave her for what she did but I never allowed her back in my life. The friendship had long run it’s course and I no longer had a place for her in my heart.

As I reminded myself of that painful experience, I began to completely understand why Bethenny couldn’t rush into Jill’s arms and say I love you, I forgive you, we can be Bestie’s again. The pain and hurt that someone you love causes you can leave a mark so deep you’ll never forget how you got it. Can you move on? Yes. Can you learn from it? Yes. Can you forgive? Yes. But no one, not even the million of viewers let down by the lack of a reconciliation, should expect you to open yourself back up to a relationship that caused you so much agony.

I hope that Jill was truthful when she said she had changed and I believe that my old friend has changed as well, but often that relationship ending was meant to be the catalyst for that change, nothing more and nothing less, and that is okay. Doesn’t make for great reality TV, but it is oh so real. Seriously.

Bad Boys

Bad Boys Need Love Too!

Sometimes I’ll read through other dating blogs and message boards mostly to check in and see what other singles are struggling with these days. One of the biggest complaints I read from male singles is that women don’t want a nice guy. That they prefer to date bad boys or guys that treat them badly. My first reaction is that these guys are just looking for an excuse as to why they can’t get a woman, but if I think about it, they may have a point.

I’ve been guilty of falling for a guy who was, shall we say, a bit rough around the edges. Many of us have dated a man that would have made our parents run screaming from the room if they knew about his shady lifestyle. To this day, I still know women who continue to date men with dangerous professions and prison records, knowing full well that these guys are no good for them. It started me thinking, why do women seek out the bad boys? Read the rest of this entry »

Seriously, with friends like these who needs enemies?
While watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta (guilty as charged) I was struck by how often these women referred to each other as friends yet never once acted like one.  Between online social networks and the keeping up with the Jones mentality, the word friend has lost is true meaning among so many people. Heck on Facebook, everyone who’ve ever met in your life is called your friend. What makes a person your true friend? That question may be easier answered by knowing who isn’t your friend.
The Fairweather Friend
“OMG, we so need to get together!” – This is the woman who consistently invites you to her showers, her weddings, her birthday parties and other random social events. You attend her gatherings, bring your gift and support her cause. Yet when you send her an invite to one of your parties she’s no where to be found. If you’re lucky she offers up an excuse as to why she’s M-I-A. Once you recognize you’ve got a Fairweather friend on your hands, take her for what she is and don’t feel obligated to show up to her events.
The Hater
I’ve had many a Hater friend, and initially she can be tough to spot since the reason you most likely became friends was because you had so much in common. Maybe you shared the same fashion sense, or you were both single and looking, or you lived in the same neighborhood. All of these reasons you had in common with her essentially make you her most fierce competitor. How do you she’s a hater and not a friend? Her support for you is next to nil. You get a new boyfriend, she’s angry with you. You buy a new pair of hot shoes, she buys the same pair. You redecorate your home, she has nothing to say about it. Whenever you find yourself being competing against by another woman it’s simply time to re-evaluate the friendship and let her go.
The Two-Facer
Sad to say, but it’s quite easy to spot this woman disguised as a friend. If she’s talking trash TO you about everyone you know….guess what? She’s talking trash ABOUT you to everyone you know. It’s that simple. Just keep your business to yourself, smile and nod as she goes on and on about everyone else and eventually she gets bored with you and moves on.
Unfortunately, these are just a few of the more damaging “friends” out there so it’s no wonder many women say they can’t be friends with other women. Yes, it can be hard to find a good girlfriend, sometimes even harder than a good man. I’ve truly been blessed to be surrounded by women in my life who I can call true friends. We make every effort to attend each other’s events, we support each other’s accomplishments, and we call each other Bitches as a term of endearment rather than behind each others backs. At the end of day, I know I can call on them to be there for me and they will show up.
We’ve all been in the situation where we thought a friend was truly a friend only to discover she was actually just a frenemy. Just like when you end a romantic relationship, you get up, dust yourself off and move on. But once you do find a true friend, you’ll be forever grateful, seriously.

While watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta (guilty as charged) I was struck by how often these women referred to each other as friends yet never once acted like one.  Between online social networks and the keeping up with the Jones mentality, the word friend has lost is true meaning among so many people. Heck on Facebook, everyone who’ve ever met in your life is called your friend. What makes a person your true friend? That question may be easier answered by knowing who isn’t your friend.

Read the rest of this entry »

  • In: The Art of Dating
  • Comments Off on Seriously, we’re broadcasting our relationship status now?

So this past Friday night, I made the effort to pull myself off my couch (mainly because Ghost Whisperer was a rerun) and went out to meet up with some friends at a bar downtown. No thrills event, just some cocktails and conversation. I bebop down to the bar, meet up with my group and order a drink. I didn’t really “know” know some of the people in the group, so as I was talking to two of the other girls, we discovered we were all single. So we started chatting about the qualms of dating in our city and our struggles to find the one. As we were sharing our horror stories, in between glancing around the room hoping to see a guy vaguely interesting to look at, we hear a commotion going on over at the bar. Apparently, a group of women had assembled themselves in two lines to take a group picture. As they got ready to snap the picture, one of them shouts “Single”. Then another joined in “We’re single”, then another one “Single Girls!” The three of us just looked at each other with stunned faces. We have to broadcast it now. Seriously?

I just finished celebrating yet another birthday with My Girls at one of our local “go to” spots and as the conversation flowed I had a sudden realization…”Crap, we are getting old”. Not like Shady Pines old, just not young anymore. To be honest, I don’t really feel old and I still think of myself in my late 20s but clearly I’ve aged. How do I know? Try these comments made from our conversation on for starters:

1. I had to take Tums to drinks my Margarita. WTF? My favorite adult beverage now gives me a heartburn. I totally was not prepared, so I had to borrow some from my pregnant friend – who excitedly passed me her stash as she explained about the new cute mini versions of the big bottles. Her words…” they come in a three pack, and I keep my big bottle on my desk”. Yep, popping anti-acids before drinking means we’re getting old.

2. We had no idea how old each other was, including the Birthday Girl…err Woman. Yes, we had to all go around the table and say our age while everyone gasped in shock when it was your turn. Yep, you’re getting old when you can’t remember your friends age and have to do the math to remember yours.

3. We think it’s stupid when we see a young girl not wearing a coat in temperatures below 40 degrees. As we all we’re agreeing vehemently how utterly stupid it was to be outside in the cold weather in a short dress and cute open toed shoes, I had to remind everyone that when we were young we used to it. I remember us running to the club in our tank tops because we were too cheap to pay for coat check and besides it wasn’t cute to walk in the club wearing a big bulky coat. Yep, if you wear a coat when it’s cold despite your destination, you’re getting old.

4. We all were ready to hang a co-worker of Kim’s who didn’t know who Elton John and Billy Joel were…WTF? We all agreed instantly that she was clearly stupid rather than just young. Yep, we’re getting old, when stupidity has to be the reason someone doesn’t know songs from our generation.

5. We all went home at 7:00 pm. There were no “Where to next’s?” or “What we getting into now?” except for one of us who was going to go grocery shopping. It was perfectly acceptable to call it a night…and on a Friday. Gasp, we are getting old.

Hey, I’m happy with where I am in life…great friends, loving family, the ability to emotionally and financially enjoy my life. But it bothers me to realize that the younger generation more than likely thinks we are old. We have become those women who we used to make fun of at the club. Remember, the women who showed up early, probably in their 30s-40s, who would dance to the old school music with their big ole purses under their arms, fully dressed and grabbing their big heavy coats to head home by 10 o’clock. When I was in my 20s, we used to laugh at them and say things like “The party will start when the old ladies leave, ha ha ha”. My only solace is that those 20-something girls who laugh at us now will be writing this same blog post before they know it. Seriously.


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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