Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Posts Tagged ‘marriage

female-dogNow I’ve never been married, so I don’t know what it feels like to have a husband who works with, socializes with or finds himself in the company of single women. I’m sure if someone has trust and/or jealousy issues then this could be a big problem for their marriage. However, I do know what it’s like to find myself having to socialize with married men, mainly for professional reasons, and to be treated so poorly by their wives simply for being single. These women (bless their hearts) are clearly struggling with some issues, but it’s always in my best interest to spot them early on and then steer clear. For those who have yet to experience the chilly demeanor of a mean wife, here are a few signs:

1. You are constantly having to tell her your name. Despite having met her at more than one company function, dinner party and/or social event, your name “escapes” her memory every time.

2. You feel a sharp pain in the back of your neck from the daggers she’s shooting at you through her eyes. If I’m talking to her husband, when I feel these nasty glares darting my way, I take an extra step back away from her man and limit my laughter. I clearly will not be able to express any enjoyment while conversating with her spouse.

3. You find yourself engaged in a conversation with her where she continues to deliver back handed compliments about your outfit, shoes and/or accessories. Now, this is always so comical to me because it’s always the wives who don’t work outside the home, and spend up their husbands money who find it appropriate to play the I have more than you do game. Really?

4. You find yourself biting your tongue while she proceeds to give you unsoliciated “advice” on why you’re not married. Comments such as, you’re too picky, too independent or unapproachable seem far reaching and clearly inappropriate especially when they’ve never spent more than 15 minutes with you. You don’t even know my name, why do you care if I’m still single or not?

Now contrary to what some married women think, most single women do not want your husband. I have several married friends, who are confident in their marriages, trust their husbands and care enough to know the people he works with on a regular basis. Therefore, when the mean wives rear their ugly heads, I simply smile, nod and dish out my own dose of back handed compliments right before I say a small prayer for their husbands. Seriously.

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I don’t know about you but I’m really tired of reading in the papers or on the Internet about another celebrity or political husband who has cheated on his wife…repeatedly. What I can’t come to terms with is if these recently reported rashes of infidelity are indicative of a national epidemic or just a few husbands who can’t keep their zippers shut.

Given the number of married men who have hit on me and my friends, I’m inclined to lean towards the position that the majority of married men are cheating. Of course, this doesn’t bode well for the single woman searching for someone to marry. The risks of staying married are great enough as they are, but adding to that the challenge of keeping your man faithful seems daunting. Here’s what I tell myself as a single woman witnessing the fall of marriages to infidelity:

1. Remember to keep yourself up. Of course, many a beautiful woman has been cheated on but getting hitched certainly doesn’t give me the license let myself go. As tempting as it is to adorn the frumpy lounge wear and never color my hair again, I must continue to keep myself in shape, made up and stylish. Oh and this goes both ways, no woman wants to come home to a beer bellied, hairy man every night.

2. Remember to do the do. Men love sex, and if I don’t want him to have sex with someone else, guess that means I’ve got to have sex with him. Despite my low libido (when this happens), it is as much my responsibility to engage in physical intimacy with him as it is his. If we skip the sex stuff, then I might as well get me a gay roommate. Now, if the pharmaceutical companies would help women out with a female Viagra, maybe we would have more satisfied married men.

3. Remember to stay interesting. Let’s face it, no one marries a boring and unhappy person hoping they will stay that way for life. I’ve got to keep my hobbies, my friends and my social calendar, otherwise I become that woman with nothing to do, no one to hang out with, and nowhere to go. Then what would we talk about…ourselves? Yawner.

Unfortunately, being single does attract all kinds of men including the married ones. Knowing what attracts them to me while I’m single will hopefully stick with me should I end up married. There are lots of beautiful, interesting and sexy single women out there mixing and mingling with the marrieds of the world. And if despite my efforts, the guy I marry still strays, then I guess I’ll just have to find me a gay roommate. Seriously.

My grandmother used to say, “marry a man who loves you more than you love him”. On the surface her advice seemed perfectly harmless. In fact, this dating approach is a key element to many a successful gold digger. I completely understand why she would recommend this scenario and I’ve even been in a relationship where he did in fact love me more. However, I’ve found that this approach can get tricky pretty quickly.

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Sometimes after a really long work day, all I want to do is put on my PJs, sink into my couch, and escape into my favorite reality TV show. On these “Goodbye Cruel World” days the idea is to the shut the door, turn my brain off and forget about everything else going on in the world. Since I’m the acting manager at my company, I’m often pinged all day to make decisions from what color should a website design be to how much do we bill a client on an over budget project? All day long my co-workers and bosses call out my name to answer some type of question or make some sort of snap decision. It’s my job, I accept that and I do it well.
But on a “Goodbye Cruel World” day the last thing I want to do when I get home is make yet another decision. However, since I’m single and live on my own, the decision making process doesn’t stop for one minute even when I get home. Except now I find myself asking myself 50 million questions –  What do you want for dinner? What do you want to watch on TV? Would you rather read? Are you gonna clean up the clothes you left on the floor from this morning? Do we wash our hair tonight or tomorrow? And the list continues. On nights like these, what I wouldn’t give to not have to make another freakin’ decision.  For a few minutes I find myself day dreaming about coming home to a hot meal on the table, a clean house, and the TV turned to my favorite show. Sounds like what I need is a wife. Seriously?

Sometimes after a really long work day, all I want to do is put on my PJs, sink into my couch, and escape into my favorite reality TV show. On these “Goodbye Cruel World” days the idea is to the shut the door, turn my brain off and forget about everything else going on in the world. Since I’m the acting manager at my company, I’m often pinged all day to make decisions from what color should a website design be to how much do we bill a client on an over budget project? All day long my co-workers and bosses call out my name to answer some type of question or make some sort of snap decision. It’s my job, I accept that and I do a good job.

But on a “Goodbye Cruel World” day the last thing I want to do when I get home is make yet another decision. However, since I’m single and live on my own, the decision making process doesn’t stop for one minute even when I get home. Except now I find myself asking myself 50 million questions –  What do you want for dinner? What do you want to watch on TV? Would you rather read? Are you gonna clean up the clothes you left on the floor from this morning? Do we wash our hair tonight or tomorrow? And the list continues. On nights like these, what I wouldn’t give to not have to make another freakin’ decision.  For a few minutes I find myself day dreaming about coming home to a hot meal on the table, a clean house, and the TV turned to my favorite show. Sounds like what I need is a wife. Seriously?

Some days it’s really hard being single, and then there are days like yesterday when I realize being single rocks! As I was doing my bi-weekly grocery shopping, I strolled down the very crowded diary aisle to make my usual stop at the ice cream door. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about purchasing ice cream so I thought well I’ll see if anything jumps out at me. However, I had to wait for a couple in front of me to select their ice cream of choice which happened to be vanilla per the woman’s decision. As they walked off, I heard the husband go, “what flavor did you get?” “Vanilla” barked the woman. “Can’t we get another kind?” asked the husband. “No this is all we can afford. Let’s go” the woman demanded.

Wow! For crying out loud I thought, let the poor guy at least have a say in the flavor especially if you can only get one pint. Then I started smiling to myself, Boo-Yah! I can have whatever flavor I like – no questions asked…ahh, these are the days when it’s good to be single. Seriously

and this is why…they do nothing but tell you how pretty, how special you are and how much they love you all the time….and they want absolutely nothing from you….but maybe a little kiss now and then!  They will take you to fabulous parties, they love to go shopping with you and they always smell GREAT! 

The best part is…you can talk about hot guys – the couple that plays together, stays together! 

I keep asking my best gay boyfriend to marry me…I think he might eventually relent (at least to keep his mother happy)….I might be happier with him….SERIOUSLY!


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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