Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Posts Tagged ‘married

love triangle with two women and one man

Walk Away!

One night while channel surfing I stumbled upon a documentary that quickly caught my attention. The setting was a fairly large modern home situated in a suburban neighborhood full of other newly architected residents.

Inside the house were the cheerful sounds of laughter and chatter from a family as they cooked dinner in their spacious kitchen. Upon first glance, the show appeared to be profiling everyday family activities until I noticed that there were three women preparing the meal for the large family. Just as I was thinking, “is this those”…the husband arrives home to happily greet his children and kiss each of his wives. The documentary I had discovered was profiling the lives of the modern day polygamist family.

I sat dumbfounded as I listened to the women justify their decisions to share their husband with each other. Then one wife made the point that society really shouldn’t be judging them for their lifestyle choice when so many men in “monogamist” relationships are cheating on their wives, which really isn’t all that different from their situation. My first reaction was what a crazy polygamist lady, but then the more I thought about it I realized she actually had a valid point.

As part of my A Seriously Series on Who Let The Dogs In, the polygamists inspired me to make my third point of this series:

3. Stop Sharing

While I respected the comment above, I do not believe that polygamy is the answer to the rampant infidelity issues among relationships today. Knowing what I know from others and myself, sharing your man with someone else is damaging to the soul, regardless of which side of the affair you find yourself on.

The problem is no one, not the wives, girlfriends or the mistresses, are holding cheating men accountable for their behavior. In fact, it seems that more and more women are finding themselves in open marriages, swinging or polygamist relationships. As long as you look the other way, why would he not believe that you approve or don’t care about his behavior? There’s no reason for him to leave the other woman, when you’ve clearly let him have his cake and eat it too.

Dealing with a cheater can be tough, especially when you are so emotionally fragile. Do you forgive him? Do you kick him to the curb without a seconds thought? Do you let him go not knowing if he will ever come back? Maybe you even figure why not let him cheat, you aren’t interested any more?

Regardless of the challenges, it bugs me when I see women continue to overlook their man cheating on them by either repeatedly accepting his “apologies” or turning a blind eye to his behavior. Listen to your gut. Watch for the signs and nip it in the bud. Otherwise, you may find yourself sharing more than just your man with another woman, seriously!

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I don’t know about you but I’m really tired of reading in the papers or on the Internet about another celebrity or political husband who has cheated on his wife…repeatedly. What I can’t come to terms with is if these recently reported rashes of infidelity are indicative of a national epidemic or just a few husbands who can’t keep their zippers shut.

Given the number of married men who have hit on me and my friends, I’m inclined to lean towards the position that the majority of married men are cheating. Of course, this doesn’t bode well for the single woman searching for someone to marry. The risks of staying married are great enough as they are, but adding to that the challenge of keeping your man faithful seems daunting. Here’s what I tell myself as a single woman witnessing the fall of marriages to infidelity:

1. Remember to keep yourself up. Of course, many a beautiful woman has been cheated on but getting hitched certainly doesn’t give me the license let myself go. As tempting as it is to adorn the frumpy lounge wear and never color my hair again, I must continue to keep myself in shape, made up and stylish. Oh and this goes both ways, no woman wants to come home to a beer bellied, hairy man every night.

2. Remember to do the do. Men love sex, and if I don’t want him to have sex with someone else, guess that means I’ve got to have sex with him. Despite my low libido (when this happens), it is as much my responsibility to engage in physical intimacy with him as it is his. If we skip the sex stuff, then I might as well get me a gay roommate. Now, if the pharmaceutical companies would help women out with a female Viagra, maybe we would have more satisfied married men.

3. Remember to stay interesting. Let’s face it, no one marries a boring and unhappy person hoping they will stay that way for life. I’ve got to keep my hobbies, my friends and my social calendar, otherwise I become that woman with nothing to do, no one to hang out with, and nowhere to go. Then what would we talk about…ourselves? Yawner.

Unfortunately, being single does attract all kinds of men including the married ones. Knowing what attracts them to me while I’m single will hopefully stick with me should I end up married. There are lots of beautiful, interesting and sexy single women out there mixing and mingling with the marrieds of the world. And if despite my efforts, the guy I marry still strays, then I guess I’ll just have to find me a gay roommate. Seriously.

Despite my efforts to avoid this scenario at all costs, I recently had the pleasure of shopping for new bed coverings with a married woman. Her quest (provided by her husband) was to have a friend help her find “inspiration” for a new bedroom color palette. Of course, we had a set of criteria we had to adhere to, including but not limited to nothing blue, too girly or containing sequins. Oh-kay, I thought, this should be fun. As we browsed through the store full of every imaginable type of comforter sets, I did my part and picked out patterns that I thought would work for them. To which she would say “Oh my husband won’t like that”, or “that won’t work” and my favorite “I love this but my husband won’t go for it”. At which point, I realized that I’m the last person who should be helping her look for a bedspread. Her husband should just suck it up and bring his butt to the store so they could decide together what color their bedroom should be. So from that moment on, I just starting pointing out which comforters I thought would work for my bedroom as we oohhh and ahhhed over all the options. It turned out to be much more fun. After all, since I’m single I can chose a bedspread in whatever color scheme I want, as girly as they come and dolled up with hundreds of sequins.

Looks like I’m going to be re-decorating my bedroom sometime soon…seriously?

Just found this out a little bit ago (on Facebook) of all places. My ex (who I lived with/worked for) has gotten married. Hmmm – how do I feel about this? In a word: WEIRD.

Did I ever want him back? HELL NO – he was an awful partner – (did I mention the drug problem that was unknown to me, but everyone else knew about) – I guess what really bothers me is that he always made me feel like something was wrong with me, that I was not a good person, that I was lucky to have him (and not vice versa) – he always had to be center of attention (and if you know me, that is where i want to be -giggle).  He made me “shrink” as a person for 3 1/2 years and for that I will always be angry (but more at myself for settling).

Just stirs up a lot of feelings of inadequacies. I know I am 100 x’s better off now than when we were together – like Mika said when the two of us split “I feel like I am getting my KIM back”.  OK – this actually felt better to type this out – kind of like free therapy (sorry Alyssa)…

All I have to say is that the new “Mrs. Cokehead” needs to keep her assets in her name and watch for flying wine bottles….Seriously


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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