Seriously? Is It Just Me…

Posts Tagged ‘random

The Internet is a beautiful thing. It provides immediate access to a wealth of information, acts as a communication tool making it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world, and it has the uncanny ability to turn a “nobody” into a “somebody” literally overnight.

This past week, you pretty much had to be living under a rock (or never use a technology device) to not have heard the story about Ted Williams. For those of you who just pulled your head out of the sand, Ted Williams, was a homeless man from Ohio with a golden voice, who was discovered by a local videographer who regularly drove past Ted begging for money. It’s truly an amazing story of how a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser who had lost everything was given the opportunity to get back on his feet, all thanks to the power of the Internet. Voice over deals from Kraft, Cleveland Cavaliers among others began to pour in, and the once unkempt panhandler was about to collect thousands of dollars.

These are the success stories that most Americans love to share, discuss and support, including myself. Frankly, I’m tired of the reality show drama kings and queens being catapulted on to the celebrity pedestal for simply having the nerve to sleep around, get drunk and engage in cat fights in a public forum. I was extremely disturbed the day I heard that Snooki from the Jersey Shore (yes, you know who I am talking about) had “written” a book after she confessed to Ryan Seacrest that she didn’t have a formal education and had to use a professional writer to draft it for her. Hello, I would love a book deal, and I’m sure so do the hundreds of extremely talented writers shopping around their manuscripts.

Or let’s take one of the many bankrupt real housewives who decided to record a song without an ounce of vocal talent, as they earn a number one single without even taking the process seriously. I know there are thousands of struggling songwriters and vocalists working day and night just for the chance to record, let alone get a song heard on the radio.

Sure I may sound bitter, and honestly I was for a while, especially after the whole Snooki book deal announcement (shiver). Then I heard the story about Ted Williams, and I thought finally America got it right, we have anointed a “nobody” with fame who truly deserved the chance to make money off his God-given talent and I beamed as I listened to stories surrounding his newfound “somebody” status.

Unfortunately, fame doesn’t come without paying a hefty price, and sadly Ted has entered a rehabilitation center for his addictions. My heart fell, as I imagined how overwhelmed he must have felt as he received job offers that earned him more money in an hour than many of us make in month, which surely brought out the vultures who wanted a piece of his financial success, and then at his loss of privacy as the paparazzi hounded him for photos and interviews.

And in true American form, as his downfall quickly spreads through the media, we will soon forget about Ted, as we move on to the next “nobody” seeking their 15 minutes of fame. So too, will we one day forget about Snooki, as the next rising drunk girl with a gimmick finds her way onto our computers, TVs and radios. Watching Ted’s quick fall from the pedestal, I realized that the price of fame must certainly be paid by all involved even the broke housewives. Seriously!

This past week, I was in the fabulous city of Chicago attending a compensation event sponsored by my former/new employer, Bank Director magazine. My job was to blog and tweet on the various sessions, record a few video interviews, and conduct some low level market research on the use of smart phones in the banking industry. I know, sounds like a ton of fun, but I have to admit that I did learn a lot which I know will make my banker friends proud.

Of course, one can not fly the hour and a half to Chicago, stay in a four star hotel on Michigan avenue, and find themselves with a few hours to spare without doing some shopping. Oh, I was just giddy with excitement at the possibility of walking up and down the Magnificent Mile visiting my favorite stores including Aldo, Coach, and Burberry.”

Unfortunately, the shopping gods were not smiling on me this brisk November afternoon, as I was having no luck falling in love with that must have item (sounds a lot like my love life, maybe my ticker is broken). Nonetheless, I pressed on with my co-worker, who by the way was walking out of every store with an adorable handbag, before hitting our last stop, the go to store for all things shoes — MACYS!

As I was circling the tables loaded with the season’s latest open-toed boots and stiletto heels, I found myself face to face with a middle-aged black man who had apparently just bounced off the escalator. “Hey there”, he starts as I try to move past him. “You’re the size that I wish my fiance was.” I freeze in my tracks as I brace myself for the conversation that had nowhere to go but down from there. With a quizzical look on my face, all I could manage to do was nod once and raise my eyebrows in anticipation.

question marks

Seriously Confused!

Ignoring my look of concern, he continues. “We just got engaged and I told her I was going to have a hard time carrying her across the threshold.” He snickers as my look goes from concern to mortified. But he continues, “she’s about 40 pounds heavier than you, and she complains that I just want her to be the fun size”. At that point, it was very clear that this guy was full of nonsense. The fun size? I immediately turn around and walk off in the other direction never once uttering a single word at this guys ridiculous attempt at…what?

As I began checking out the sales rack, I wondered what was his motivation for those bizarre comments. Was he trying to compliment me by acknowledging that I had a nice figure, which seems odd to me since I have nothing in the way of curves? Was he trying to hit on me, but why start off acknowledging that he had a fiance? Was he trying to make fun of me by using his girlfriends snide remarks about skinny girls?

Just as I was giving up on my shoe search, I came to the conclusion that he was just an idiot who had suckered some poor girl into marrying him and she had no idea he was talking badly about her to other women. Mystery solved. Now if I could just find a pair of fun shoes in my size, seriously?

Halloween Pumpkin

Gimme Some Candy!

It’s certainly difficult to believe that another month from the year 2010 is almost over. With the approach of the cold winter months upon us and a time change that returns us back into darkness looming, you can’t help but anticipate the arrival of Halloween.

To be honest, I’ve always struggled internally with this spook-tacular holiday as it was a mere two days after my birthday and most people wanted to just make it a two-for-one celebration. I grew up believing my birthday was all about me (truth be told, still do), so sharing it with a holiday that focused on pumping out sweets to everyone who formed three little words made it feel…not so special. But it sure was fun!

While I’m no longer a big fan of holiday celebrations, the fact that one of the most controversial holiday’s high points, trick or treating, is dying a slow death has been weighing heavily on my mind. As I reminisce upon the Halloween’s of my childhood, I realized that long gone are the days:

  • when kids would dress up in a hand-made costume designed by a creative mom with very little extra spending money;
  • when no one thought twice about letting a group of 8-10 year olds in masks roam the streets after dark begging random strangers for candy, baked goods and sodas;
  • when everyone celebrated the holiday on the same day and afterwards we all retired to our homes high on sugar and fructose syrup without being paranoid that it would later give us some form of cancer.

Maybe it’s just me, but the biggest tradition of Halloween feels lost and instead we now have:

  • parents choice on when to take children trick or treating. I’m still waiting for someone to explain to me why the rest of us are expected to have enough candy for the weekend instead of just one night;
  • advertising directed at kids that suggests hand-made costumes are embarrassing and that Mommy should buy an expensive plastic one instead of using her creativity to make you an outfit;
  • to worry that the wares you so skillfully acquired during your trick or treating hour will apparently kill you and if not, at least stain your teeth badly.

Boo! No pun intended, but Halloween seems unfamiliar without the trick or treating. I’m sad for my nephew who may never truly know how much fun this holiday was when the world was not trying to harm you or make a profit off you.

I guess this Hallowed Eve is best left to the adults as we dress up in our most scantily clad outfits, throw back a few alcoholic beverages and wake up the next day actually feeling like a zombie instead of just playing one. Seriously?

Have a safe and fun Halloween! Boo Ya’ll!

If you know me personally, then you are all to aware that I’ve decided to redecorate my master bathroom and, truth be told, it’s been the project from hell. First of all, I’m not skilled at interior designing and typically flounder when it comes to deciding what I want to do to a room. In fact, for this project, I literally stood in the paint department at Home Depot for 30 minutes staring at four paint chips that in hindsight all looked the same. I usually let my sister do my decorating for me, but given that she’s trying to raise a child, I figured it was time to do it on my own.

I did end up choosing a color, solely based on which one had the best name, and was convinced that over the next 48 hours, I could remove the wallpaper, paint the walls, and change out some hardware. I would hire professionals to install the new lighting the following weekend, and then I would be crowned Diva Decorator Extraordinaire. Watch out now!

As I bounded out of bed early Saturday morning, I was full of optimism and anticipation at the transformation from gold-leafed floral patterned wall covering to my hand selected smooth chocolate brown wall color. Full of energy, I get out my wallpaper removal tools which I have on hand because this isn’t my first time at the rodeo. My other painting projects went very smoothly so I had no reason to expect anything different for this room. Oh, but my life can’t be that easy.

(Take note for those who need a lesson in wallpaper removal.)

I start by scoring the walls, then spray on my blue chemical remover, pop on my Show tunes station on Pandora, and prepare to rid my walls of paper. I used my finger to peel off the first piece but it didn’t budge. Okay, so I try another area, no luck. Stubborn paper I see, so I use more spray, get out my scraper to pull up a corner, and only a tiny piece tears off. This is when the panic starts to creep in. Why won’t it come off? Spray, scrap, pull….tiny piece. Repeat. Spray, scrap, pull….tiny piece. What the (bleep)?

 

Wallpaper Madness

The Bane of my Existence

 

After numerous attempts, it dawns on me that the previous homeowners decided that hanging wallpaper directly on drywall was the best way to tackle their weekend project. I bang my head against the saturated blue wall fighting off the tears at the realization that this most definitely was not going to be a weekend project.

Over the past four weeks, I’ve been spending my precious free time cooped up in my bathroom pulling off tiny strips of wet paper and ruining my already fragile nails. Not surprisingly, I’ve had lots of time to pontificate about what the life lesson was in this situation. I was fully prepared to draft a post on how removing old stuck on wallpaper is similar to:

  • Going through the process of a personal life change. You want something better for yourself but it takes patience, endurance and dedication to take your life to the next step.
  • All good things are worth working hard for, and that sweat and perseverance are the backbone of achieving your goals and reaching your dreams.
  • Don’t take any shortcuts. Leave things and people in a better state than when you found them.

However, after over 40 hours of pulling gooey pieces of paper off my freakin’ walls all while trying not to leave large holes in the drywall and having only 3/4 of the room complete, I’ve decided that the real life lesson here is…this is what hell is like, so be on your best behavior and do what it takes to make it to heaven where this is no wallpaper. Seriously!

Ever stop to think how dating is a lot like being in a gigantic swimming pool with a bunch of other single people. The goal is to find a mate, get out of the pool and go dry off in the sun together. If you hate the water, you are most likely vigorously splashing around grabbing on to anyone within three feet of you. If you like the water, you are probably lazily floating around doing the back stroke not caring who you bump in to.

dating pool image

Free Floating?

There are people getting together and helping one another out of the pool, only to have to jump back in and start all over again. Some are diving head first into the deep end, then they quickly resurface gasping and gulping for air. While others are dipping their toes in the shallow end with the look of fear in their eyes. Some times you hear a loud shriek as some poor soul was just pushed in against his/her will. And then there’s the group of gawkers standing by the edge of the pool wishing they could join in.

So where are you?

Me? I’m holding out for some hot guy to swim my way and carry me out the pool, until then I’ll just hang out on my nice comfy float, sip on a cocktail and take it all in, seriously!

  • In: Random Thoughts
  • Comments Off on Seriously, what’s wrong with a cat?

What woman doesn’t enjoy coming home after a long day on the job to be greeted excitedly by the one being who loves you more than anything. For some lucky gals, this could be their husband or their child, if they are well-behaved of course. And for those who are living single, it may be a cat or perhaps a cat that barks (aka toy dog). It’s a natural part of life, humans long for companionship and crave that bond with other living beings.

However, some women can take it a bit too far by hoarding 20 stray cats, or forcing some poor toy dog to hide in a bag while they do their grocery shopping, and yes while this may seem like a stretch, even house a fully grown chimpanzee. Now we all know that truth is stranger than fiction, so there is really no way I can make this one up. Just google “Woman Attacked by Chimp” to learn about the tragic story of a woman who was viciously attacked by her neighbor’s “pet” chimp, Travis, leaving her disfigured and clinging to life.

I’m not sure what this woman was thinking by harboring a 200 pound monkey in her suburban home. Maybe she was lonely and found companionship in her human-like friend? Or maybe she just needed some help around the house from an animal with an opposable thumb? But at some point, she had to realize that this had the potential to turn out badly, especially when she’d ply him with Xanax and alcohol, and force him to bathe with her.* Frankly, who wouldn’t go ape-shit after an experience like that, seriously?

*I kid you not…look it up.

Ah, the holidays! The time of year that is often the most difficult for your average single adult. With the winter chill starting to hit the air, it seems that people are making sacrifices and lowering expectations in order to survive the holidays. I get it…no one likes to attend a holiday party or family function alone. So it doesn’t surprise me that it’s usually about this time of year when you start to hear about new relationships budding and just about everyone you know has hooked up with someone whether it makes sense or not. As I notice the Facebook statuses changing to “in a relationship”, I can’t help but wonder if come June, when there are still vacations to be had, short shorts to be worn, and six more months left to achieve goals, will the single status make a comeback. Seriously?


Soapbox Diaries from an Unplanned Single Life!

I hope you enjoy the random thoughts, observations and life lessons that I've learned along the way. It's called Seriously? because some days I just shake my head and say seriously, is this my life?


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